Today during third period I collected my students' theses and reasons for their five paragraph essays that are due on Friday. I gave this assignment with the knowledge that most of my students would wait until Thursday night to even attempt to write the paper and that would be WAY too late. I gave the assignment because I expect them to have at least started to work on the essay by now - especially seeing as today is Wednesday.
And I gave the assignment knowing full well that the vast majority of them would not do it.
I told them yesterday (Tuesday) after having assigned the essay on Monday that I would want their thesis statements and reasons for their theses today. I knew that my 3rd period class would have study hall 8th period today when I did that. I was already plotting in my mind to give them double history today.
Why?
Because I knew they wouldn't do the assignment. It turns out that 2/3 of them attempted the assignment (probably in their second period class), but didn't finish it. The rest shrugged it off. We spent the remainder of the period trying to get cogent thesis statements comparing and contrasting the Roman Monarchy and the Roman Republic down on paper. And then we did it again 8th period. And only four kids were allowed to leave my room when school ended.
They came to me one by one asking if their thesis was any good, if their reasons were valid, to get coached on their thinking. I read and corrected and read and corrected non-stop with these kids for three hours today. They slowly leaked away one by one as I pronounced their ideas fit to be turned into an essay. Two students were done 3rd period today and actually started writing their essays this afternoon. Two students were still with me struggling to write a coherent thesis statement at 5 o'clock this afternoon.
Teaching in Newark is like being a doctor in a hospital emergency room in the middle of a war zone (I suppose that's redundant, but it's sufficient simile). I do not know how some of my students reached my classroom not knowing some of the things that they do not know. It boggles my mind and fills me with such doubt in the lower grade teachers, such doubt in the educational system as a whole. It dampens my hopes for the the future of America.
BUT, there again, I have entire classes of students now that KNOW, REALLY KNOW how to write a thesis statement and come up with three reasons explaining that thesis. Can they write an essay? Well, two of them can as far as I can tell. But the others will come along with time. At least I can hope that they will. But I've done it with some of them. I've taught them how to write! I taught students, even if they're only two right now, how to write a coherent paper! This is beyond anything I had come to hope for and is a red banner day for me, to say the least.
A colleague once said to me, "We can't save them all; even Jesus has hell." And this is most certainly true, a very sobering statement to say the least. But I must work everyday as though I can save them all - sort out the ones that don't need as much help as others and get them on their way, focus one-on-one with those that need me most... it's triage in my classroom. And I do what I can. I've lost many patients, but the saves... the saves give me reason to hope, to love, to dream even as reason tells me I should not. I can't save them all, but I want to -- and that's what keeps me doing this every day. I love these kids so much.
A final thought: I've recently learned that a former student of mine has joined a Newark gang. He is now a "full-fledged member" of one of them, the Crypts or the Bloods, I don't recall which and quite frankly, damn them all, but this is one that I loved - as I love them all. I cared. I dreamed for him. His smile made his friends smile, his thoughts were developing as they should, his work was coming along from nothing, his ideas had promise, his grammar was improving, his knowledge of history was expanding, ... and then he flatlined. He checked out. And then he found himself out in the cold. He found what he thinks is safety in the arms of the devil.
I can't save them all. But I want to. And it hurts so much to lose one. And it feels so good to save one. I don't get the good feeling of a save very often, but thank God they happen. I want to save them all.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
The Grand Experiment
I've reached a period of duldrums where my stories are repetitive and my successes infrequent. My posts have begun to taper off not because I've lost interest - far from it - but because the reason to write is simply not there. I celebrated a pretty big success last Friday when a girl in one of my classes that had checked out on me some time ago suddenly applied herself and earned a 100 on a map of Europe test.
This is a girl that four weeks ago looked at me and called Italy "Africa." She now can point to Slovenia and Estonia with confidence and is tutoring other students in geography. I want to celebrate this, to take credit for it, and indeed, I do both. But morale is so low among the faculty anymore that this twinkle in the night is not elating me as I should hope it would under ordinary circumstances.
Progress Reports went home recently. I have so many students failing that if I were a public school teacher, I'd be reprimanded. What times do we live in...? A wise man once told me that the world didn't work the way I thought it did. One day, I'd grow up, get my first pay check, and truly understand what it means to pay taxes. Some day finally came... I've grown up. And the world is not a pretty place. Certainly it has its beauty, its wonder, its moments that remind us that life is worth living, but all in all, we live in a pretty awful place we humans.
Michelle Obama said in a speech recently that for the first time in her adult life, she's proud of her country. Many people took offense to that remark. I did not. And that is primarily because she did not say, "For the first time in my life, I love my country." She used pride. I can agree with that, but I have to say, I've yet to find myself proud of the country that I love.
America began as a grand experiment in participatory democracy. The experiment was tested time and time again. To this day, liberty and "freedom" endure in America as they do in few other places, but what country can be called free that is shackled by debt, crippled by poverty, and increasingly blinded by what is a loathsome ignorance? I cannot be proud of that. I drive streets where people triple park without consequence, and I teach students that would rather text in some sub-English language rather than revel in the beauty of proper English. I cannot be proud of that.
My students are skipping school, lying to their parents, involving themselves with less than reputable individuals, saying a collective "F*ck you" to the faculty by not doing our homework, and all but gving up on material that, frankly, belongs in a Middle School. THIS is America. I teach and live and breathe in America.
Whether people like it or not, whether they realize it or not, America is not destined for the sunlit uplands our Founding Father saw in the rising sun of George Washington's chair. Thomas Jefferson knew that the lifeblood of a democracy endures because of education, that a people's future can be predicted by looking at their children. America is a grand experiment in participatory democracy heading for dark times. We're certainly not a failure yet, but our children are failing left and right -- and they'll be in charge someday. What of our grand experiment then?
This is a girl that four weeks ago looked at me and called Italy "Africa." She now can point to Slovenia and Estonia with confidence and is tutoring other students in geography. I want to celebrate this, to take credit for it, and indeed, I do both. But morale is so low among the faculty anymore that this twinkle in the night is not elating me as I should hope it would under ordinary circumstances.
Progress Reports went home recently. I have so many students failing that if I were a public school teacher, I'd be reprimanded. What times do we live in...? A wise man once told me that the world didn't work the way I thought it did. One day, I'd grow up, get my first pay check, and truly understand what it means to pay taxes. Some day finally came... I've grown up. And the world is not a pretty place. Certainly it has its beauty, its wonder, its moments that remind us that life is worth living, but all in all, we live in a pretty awful place we humans.
Michelle Obama said in a speech recently that for the first time in her adult life, she's proud of her country. Many people took offense to that remark. I did not. And that is primarily because she did not say, "For the first time in my life, I love my country." She used pride. I can agree with that, but I have to say, I've yet to find myself proud of the country that I love.
America began as a grand experiment in participatory democracy. The experiment was tested time and time again. To this day, liberty and "freedom" endure in America as they do in few other places, but what country can be called free that is shackled by debt, crippled by poverty, and increasingly blinded by what is a loathsome ignorance? I cannot be proud of that. I drive streets where people triple park without consequence, and I teach students that would rather text in some sub-English language rather than revel in the beauty of proper English. I cannot be proud of that.
My students are skipping school, lying to their parents, involving themselves with less than reputable individuals, saying a collective "F*ck you" to the faculty by not doing our homework, and all but gving up on material that, frankly, belongs in a Middle School. THIS is America. I teach and live and breathe in America.
Whether people like it or not, whether they realize it or not, America is not destined for the sunlit uplands our Founding Father saw in the rising sun of George Washington's chair. Thomas Jefferson knew that the lifeblood of a democracy endures because of education, that a people's future can be predicted by looking at their children. America is a grand experiment in participatory democracy heading for dark times. We're certainly not a failure yet, but our children are failing left and right -- and they'll be in charge someday. What of our grand experiment then?
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