Triage

Today during third period I collected my students' theses and reasons for their five paragraph essays that are due on Friday. I gave this assignment with the knowledge that most of my students would wait until Thursday night to even attempt to write the paper and that would be WAY too late. I gave the assignment because I expect them to have at least started to work on the essay by now - especially seeing as today is Wednesday.

And I gave the assignment knowing full well that the vast majority of them would not do it.

I told them yesterday (Tuesday) after having assigned the essay on Monday that I would want their thesis statements and reasons for their theses today. I knew that my 3rd period class would have study hall 8th period today when I did that. I was already plotting in my mind to give them double history today.

Why?

Because I knew they wouldn't do the assignment. It turns out that 2/3 of them attempted the assignment (probably in their second period class), but didn't finish it. The rest shrugged it off. We spent the remainder of the period trying to get cogent thesis statements comparing and contrasting the Roman Monarchy and the Roman Republic down on paper. And then we did it again 8th period. And only four kids were allowed to leave my room when school ended.

They came to me one by one asking if their thesis was any good, if their reasons were valid, to get coached on their thinking. I read and corrected and read and corrected non-stop with these kids for three hours today. They slowly leaked away one by one as I pronounced their ideas fit to be turned into an essay. Two students were done 3rd period today and actually started writing their essays this afternoon. Two students were still with me struggling to write a coherent thesis statement at 5 o'clock this afternoon.

Teaching in Newark is like being a doctor in a hospital emergency room in the middle of a war zone (I suppose that's redundant, but it's sufficient simile). I do not know how some of my students reached my classroom not knowing some of the things that they do not know. It boggles my mind and fills me with such doubt in the lower grade teachers, such doubt in the educational system as a whole. It dampens my hopes for the the future of America.

BUT, there again, I have entire classes of students now that KNOW, REALLY KNOW how to write a thesis statement and come up with three reasons explaining that thesis. Can they write an essay? Well, two of them can as far as I can tell. But the others will come along with time. At least I can hope that they will. But I've done it with some of them. I've taught them how to write! I taught students, even if they're only two right now, how to write a coherent paper! This is beyond anything I had come to hope for and is a red banner day for me, to say the least.

A colleague once said to me, "We can't save them all; even Jesus has hell." And this is most certainly true, a very sobering statement to say the least. But I must work everyday as though I can save them all - sort out the ones that don't need as much help as others and get them on their way, focus one-on-one with those that need me most... it's triage in my classroom. And I do what I can. I've lost many patients, but the saves... the saves give me reason to hope, to love, to dream even as reason tells me I should not. I can't save them all, but I want to -- and that's what keeps me doing this every day. I love these kids so much.

A final thought: I've recently learned that a former student of mine has joined a Newark gang. He is now a "full-fledged member" of one of them, the Crypts or the Bloods, I don't recall which and quite frankly, damn them all, but this is one that I loved - as I love them all. I cared. I dreamed for him. His smile made his friends smile, his thoughts were developing as they should, his work was coming along from nothing, his ideas had promise, his grammar was improving, his knowledge of history was expanding, ... and then he flatlined. He checked out. And then he found himself out in the cold. He found what he thinks is safety in the arms of the devil.

I can't save them all. But I want to. And it hurts so much to lose one. And it feels so good to save one. I don't get the good feeling of a save very often, but thank God they happen. I want to save them all.